10/19/10

Genetic testing results

I went in last week to hear the results from the genetic testing we had on the baby we just lost and I found out that our baby was perfectly healthy all 46 chromosomes were normal. I didn't have the guts to ask gender I was on the brink of tears and barely keeping it in when I found out I'd lost a perfectly healthy baby I felt like it was my fault (of course it wasn't ). I left without asking but had a feeling that this baby was a girl and I was right! I called back and asked today I just had to know I needed that closure. They did tell me that they can't be 100% sure and my DNA could have mixed and unless it was a boy they cant tell for sure but they were pretty positive. The dr told me he was able to separate the baby and product of pregnancy very easily from the lining so I'm sure they are right. I'm excited to know I can have girls I don't just have boys ;-) So now she just needs a healthy body that my body can hold on to. On another note I was diagnosed with Asherman's syndrome (probably from the retained product of pregnancy followed by D&C after Graham was born) and will be having surgery to correct the problem on the 3rd. The Dr is sure he can fix my scaring without damaging me anymore and that I will be able to have more babies.

9/19/10

Really Again?

Unfortunately we lost our 4th baby on Thursday our due date was April 22nd 2011. I was told in my 6th week I would Miscarry due to my HCG going from doubling ever 32 hours to every 500 hours dropping progesterone and an Ultra Sound at 6weeks that showed an empty gestational sac. I was immediately put on progesterone supplements and my progesterone started increasing and HCG was still on the rise but slow. I wasn't holding out much hope I know a lot about hcg and the odds were against this pregnancy. When I went in for my 7week Ultra sound I was expecting to see no change from the week before and was thinking I would be scheduling a D&C. I was shocked to see my baby and the tiny heart beating 104bmp the baby was measuring behind. I felt a flicker of Hope that day maybe the HCG was wrong and I would be one of the 15% of normal pregnancies that would progress properly without doubling HCG. That was short lived hope because when I woke up the next morning I knelt down to say my morning prayer and when I was done praying (more like pleading with God) I felt this overwhelming sense of Loss I knew my baby was gone. The next week was awful waiting for that 3rd ultra sound when I knew the results wouldn't be good. I made it to my 8th week of pregnancy and my feelings were right. The baby's development had stopped probably within 24 hours after my last ultra sound. There was no growth and no heartbeat. I'm crushed how could this happen again? Just after I felt like I was moving on and starting to feel happy again after our last loss. I find being open about my loss helps be mourn but at the same time I want to be alone with my family and mourn by myself. I really appreciate everyone who wants to help and stop by to visit but I'm not ready yet. Also, I wanted to add that I understand that some comments are made out of love but they don't always come off that way. When people say things to me like "at least you have your boys" "at least you know you can get pregnant" "you can always try again" "count your blessing your so lucky" "I know someone who's lost more babies" "at least you weren't further along" those are all hurtful it's like your trying to minimize the pain that I'm feeling over my loss. To me I have lost a child there is no such thing as barely being pregnant you either are or you aren't so I had all the same dreams and hopes for this Child as any other pregnant mother 5weeks or 40weeks. Knowing I have my boys and knowing that I can try again doesn't make losing this child any less difficult I don't want another baby I wanted this baby. Please be careful with what you choose to say. Things like "were thinking about you" or "were praying for you" let me know you care without hurting feelings. Thank you to everyone who has been praying and thinking about us!!

9/8/10

7w5d

heart rate was 104

8/24/10

First Day of Pre-School

Garrett giving Graham a kiss goodbye... This is what happens when I tell them to smile and say cheese LOL Garrett picked out Transformers backpack and lunch box go figure Garrett showing me how he feels about me taking pictures of him much better!!!

8/14/10

Happy Birthday Graham!

He tried and tried.... YUM! I don't remember him being that small! My baby is growing up so fast.

7/7/10

Family Pictures

Here are our family pictures they turned out nice except when we were trying to get a pic of all of us neither of the boys would sit still or smile.

6/22/10

Hematologist Update

Well I saw the Hematologist and she tells me since neither of my parents or my Brother (half siblings don't count) have had a blood clot that I probably have a heterozygous case of Factor 2 which is 1 gene that is mutated it's more common than homozygous (2 genes) but without genetics testing that I don't want to pay for she cant be 100% sure it's just more likely heterozygous. I can't smoke (darn I was thinking about taking that up) or take BC pills anymore also a (darn I love how sick they make me feel) and when I do get pregnant I have to take 80mg of aspirin, a blood thinner in pill form and also a daily injection of something she named that I can't recall. I told her I wasn't comfortable taking a blood thinner yikes that freaks me out and she told me that I could probably get by with taking just the aspirin and the injection daily and leaving out the addition blood thinner unless I get a blood clot in my legs, lungs or brain but she wants to talk with my RE and also see the results from additional tests she did (6 vials of blood worth). (Not looking forward to the injections she said I'd have to do them until I was 5 or 6 weeks postpartum) but it sounds like an easy fix!

6/9/10

June Update

Good news and bad news...
Our Good news is that potty training has finally clicked for Garrett he is now in his big boy boxers all day even out in public! He is super excited about school coming up here soon he's so smart I can't wait for him to experience that. He takes after me when I was a kid with his constant blabbing. He is my daring child I've caught him trying to "fly" off of our kitchen counters. He still loves his transformers and he can now color more than just a line here and there he is very serious about his coloring I will video tape him one day its hilarious! Graham is going through a growth spurt and eats non stop! He is such a silly billy he makes me smile all the time I think he is going to be in trouble a lot in school. He is talking a whole lot more and he loves playing with his brother whom he calls Garrgua. His absolute favorite thing to do is be in the water I'm so excited it's finally swimming weather. Bad news is that during my panel testing at the fertility clinic I tested positive with a factor 2 deficiency (blood clotting disorder) and my PTT level was high I am now seeing a hemotologist which I go see on the 21st. My fertility Dr says this shouldn't affect my getting pregnant at all but that I am considered high risk once I do get pregnant becuase my risk for blood clots was very high. I need more in depth testing so they can get me on the right meds they did say that I will have to go on blood thinners but that's not something he does. Also, most likely I never had retained placenta after I had either of the boys it's more likely that I developed blood clots in my uterus and that's what the OB removed not tissue we will never be sure but hey now hopefully we can prevent it in the future. Also far as the TTC stuff goes I have been diagnosed with a luteal phase defect and will have to be on meds to regulate that as long as were trying to get pregnant again without them my body cannot sustain a pregnancy and I will keep loosing babies. LPD are pretty common and it's also a common secondary infertility issue but it's an easy fix. So hopefully in 2011 we will have a new addition to our family.

5/14/10

Plan of Action

I am so relieved that the Fertility Dr didn't think I was crazy! He says 8 day LP is a LP defect but first before he gets to that he needs to fix the underlining issues. He said he needs to figure out why I've had retained placenta twice and what's causing it and what damage that my three D&C's have caused. I have to have testing for a blood clotting disorder which could be why I'm having retained placenta. He also needs to do a Hysteroscopy see if there is any scaring. Then I have to have a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to see if my tubes are blocked from scaring. All the while I will be going in for blood work and then after I get a positive ovulation test and blood work confirms ovulation I will get a trigger shot of HCG (which Miah will be injecting into me on three separate days (I didn't tell him that yet). I'm happy we've got a plan of action and hope that we get a BFP soon!

5/5/10

It's been 4 years already!


Miah and I were married 4 years ago today it's been the most amazing adventure. I have the greatest husband he is loving, kind, Honest, spiritual, patient, thoughtful, strong and I love you so Much Miah! I am so looking forward to an Eternity with you by my side!

4/28/10

LOL!

I love this photo I took it at 12:30 today which is way early for the boys to fall asleep. I guess I can understand them being tired we've had a busy morning. Miah and Garrett walked the dogs they walked about a mile then we went shopping and they played in the back yard while I tried to get dinner ready to just pop into the oven tonight since I won't be home. I guess they were just real tired.

4/26/10

Lady Bug.

video Today Garrett found a lady bug he and Graham were so excited they watched that bug for a half an hour. Don't mind the mess we haven't spent much time cleaning since winter we need to pull weeds and add more rocks and plants but come the end of May our yard will finally be finished!! Miah is also going to build the boys a really neat boat sandbox while I'm in AZ. I'm going to sew the sail with the help of my Grandpa while I'm there. Miah is also going to build us a nice picnic table for play dates so we have a place to eat outside. We also planted an apple tree in remembrance of our Angel baby Apple trees are suppose to be a symbol of love. I'm going to have a plaque made to put next to the tree. We would have done it back in December but the weather wasn't ideal and waiting until July 15th when I was due is just too late in the summer. Anyway I'm so excited spring is here!!!

4/20/10

Going to a Fertility Specialist

It's now been a year since I had my IUD removed and I still haven't been pregnant with a viable pregnancy. I've been having symptoms of a Luteal Phase Defect for 11 months now and I'm sick of people telling me everything is fine becuase well it's not!! I know something is wrong with my body. My cycles are 23 days long with a Luteal phase of 8 days according to my OB anything under 12 days isn't good and anything under 10 days is really not good. I started taking Vitex & Maca Root last year the month before I got pregnant which helps increase progesterone levels naturally and It did help I got pregnant that month but obviously it's more than just my progesterone levels being low it's poor follicular quality too so most likely I will be going on Clomid to help stimulate FSH and progesterone supplements the last half of my Cycle. I am so thankful it was so easy for me to get pregnant with my two boys they are such a joy and they truly make life so much more enjoyable. We're ready to expand our family it's still incomplete and I'm so excited that a wonderful Fertility Specialist is going to help us on our journey TTC #3 our Appointment is in 3 weeks I will keep everyone posted. I'm not shy talking about this stuff on line it's part of life! LOL

4/12/10

Garrett and Mommy's Weekend of fun

minus the broken finger incident but we will get to that later. We had such a fun weekend I didn't take pictures of everything but I will blog about it. Our weekend of fun started out Friday with Birthday shopping for Daddy, lunch then we saw "How to Train your Dragon" Garrett loved it on our way home we did some grocery shopping if you can call it that for all kinds of junk food. Then we stayed up late ate the junk food and watched "Transformers 2" Imagine that! Saturday Garrett and I went fishing we didn't catch anything Garrett got bored after 20 minutes but we ate lunch at the park and watched the ducks I asked him if he wanted to play on the playground and he said "No I need to take Hailey a Toy in the Hospital" So we decided to head over to visit Hailey he's really been missing her. Well as I was packing up the car Garrett went over to the passenger side of the car opened the door. He was looking for a transformer toy I told him I had it and to shut the door and come stand by the car where I could see him. That was a big mistake becuase he shut the door alright but his left pinky finger was in the way the door closed on it. He started screaming bloody murder right off and I ran over opened the door which had shut all the way. I put the ice pack from our lunch on it and rushed him to children's hospital where x rays showed he broke it Poor guy he now has a purple splint since they cant cast a pinky. The good news was the break wasn't too bad and it should heal up within two weeks. We were in and out of the Hospital pretty quick so we headed down to the Hospital to visit Hailey who was sleeping but he still got to see her for a few minutes. The rest of the day was pretty boring we both took a nice two hour nap and woke up at 6:30pm so we ended up staying up late again. Sunday was pretty boring we decided to play hookie from Church and just hung out around the house. Today we went to the Zoo it was such a perfect day out for the first hour at the zoo then it got a lot warmer so Garrett got some Ice Cream and what he didn't eat was on him this is what he told me "Mommy it's raining blue Ice cream" LOL I looked and it was melting down his arm and all over him. We are now T minus 3 hours until Daddy and Graham get home and I am super excited we missed them so much.

Easter Sunday 2010

4/1/10

Garrett's 36 month check up

Garrett had his three year check and he is looking good 38 inches tall and 33.6 lbs so he's in the 50-75% now rather than being in the 90th-99th. He has stopped growing as much but developmentally hes doing fantastic. We are putting him in pre-school two mornings a week starting next school year he is all signed up and ready to go. I'm so excited for him to start learning more he's just so smart and I feel like being stuck at home most days isn't challenging enough for him.

3/26/10

Happy Easter!

Graham didn't sit long enough to stay in both pictures as you can see he wasn't as excited about the Easter bunny as Garrett was.

3/14/10

Saint Patrick's Day Parade

We headed to downtown Denver Saturday with Robin and her kiddo's Hailey and JJ. The Parade was so much fun its the first time I've ever taken the boys to a parade. Garrett's Favorite part of the parade and I quote "The Dancers". LOL! Ya I know I'm terrible I didn't get very many pictures but in my defense It's not so easy carrying a 26lb toddler in one arm and a 3lb camera in another so I just put it away.

3/8/10

Spring has almost sprung!

I can't wait for great weather every day! We had such a good day on Saturday we went to the zoo and had a picnic lunch. It was beautiful out we didn't even need coats just light sweaters that we ended up having to take off becuase it got nice and warm. The animals were all out basking in the sunlight so the boys had a blast and I got some great pictures. The bears were the funnest Animals the elephants were MIA I was bummed they are my favorite. p.s. Hailey Garrett loves the Transformer Glasses you got him for Christmas he had to wear them all day becuase it was so bright.

2/25/10

I love photoshop

I need to get our family pics taken as I can't do them myself so I can redo this in color with the boys.